mupwI':
mubechmoH ghaH. mubechmoH ghaH 'ej ghaH vIghaj.
Too much {ghaH} for my taste. I'm not saying it is wrong, but is unpleasant for the reader to be reading the same word over and over. The second {ghaH} is definitely unnecessary, and I think that the third could be omitted too.
ghaH vIjeghpa'
"Before I surrender him" ? If you wanted to say "before I surrender to him", I don't think {ghaH vIjeghpa'} is correct. You could just write {jIjeghpa'} for "before I surrender".
*nIbya'*
What is *nIbya'* ? Don't transliterate. As obvious as a transliteration can be for the one writing it, so un-obvious and confusing it can be for the reader. I still remember someone writting *'Ivrit* Hol, as if "Hebrew language" wasn't good enough. And I still remember wanting to smash my computer against the wall, trying to understand what he was talking about.
*nIbya'* maSmey retlhDaq 'ej *'anta'reS* vertaHbogh vIHtaHghach'a' retlhDaq 'ej ghe''or qulmey retlhDaq vItlha'!
"Next to the moons of *nIbya'* (whatever that is), and next to the great continuous spiralling movement of antares (same comments with regards to the transliteration), and next to the fires of hell I will chase him". I'm not sure about this, but I don't know whether the two {'ej} can be used the way you used them; the {'ej} joins sentences. I don't know whether the {*nIbya'* maSmey retlhDaq} and the {*'anta'reS* vertaHbogh vIHtaHghach'a' retlhDaq} can be regarded as full sentences which can be joined by the {'ej}. However, since I'm not sure about this, it would be nice if someone could shed some light on the matter. You could however, omit these two {'ej} in question, by just using the appropriate punctuation.. {*nIbya'* maSmey retlhDaq, *'anta'reS* vertaHbogh vIHtaHghach'a' retlhDaq, ghe''or qulmey retlhDaq vItlha'!} Finally I don't understand why, whoever does the chasing, chases whoever he chases "next to" the areas/locations mentioned in the text. Why doesn't he chase him "to" these areas ? Or maybe even "beyond" them ? qunnoq On Wed, Aug 9, 2017 at 12:40 AM, Jeremy Silver <jp.silver@tiscali.co.uk> wrote:
This reminds me... now we have words to describe a spiral there's a couple of quote translations I've been trying that have now become more possible. Let's see if you can identify them.
mubechmoH ghaH. mubechmoH ghaH 'ej ghaH vIghaj. ghaH vIjeghpa' *nIbya'* maSmey retlhDaq 'ej *'anta'reS* vertaHbogh vIHtaHghach'a' retlhDaq 'ej ghe''or qulmey retlhDaq vItlha'!
This one's from a challenge from a few months ago. It's still in a too-close- to-the original-English form but like this it should be easier to identify:
qIb 'ev tIng mI'rab DeS qa'rI' QatHa'Daq pu'jIn Hutlhbogh 'ej Hopqu'bogh mIch HachHa'Daq machbogh jul SuD 'ej wov'e' qImHa'lu'pu'bogh tu'lu'. julvamvo' SochmaH Hut'uy' qelI'qam, bavtaH ramchu'bogh 'ej machbogh yuQ SuD. ngem yoqmey lutlh bIH yuQvam nganpu' no''e'. lutlhchu'mo' nganpu'vam 'ej qech QaQqu' bIH mI'mey 'aghbogh 'ej yebDaq tlhaqmey'e' tuQlu'bogh 'e' luQubmo', maDuqqu'.
So the plan is to make it easier to deal with and more Klingon by tying to figure out how to split it into shorter, hopefully more verb-based sentences. Would there be any preferred re-castings I should consider?
Thanks for any opinions or pointers for improvement, mupwI' _______________________________________________ tlhIngan-Hol mailing list tlhIngan-Hol@lists.kli.org http://lists.kli.org/listinfo.cgi/tlhingan-hol-kli.org