Thank you SuStel for taking the time to read the original post and comment. qeylIS knows I need improvement, and qeylIS knows that the only way to improve is by being corrected. en
The strength to survive must come from within. Others will always fail you. Friends, family, fellow soldiers.. In the end each person must stand alone. When in need look to the self. jIH: tIq 'oHnIS taHmeH HoS mung'e'. reH nIbelHa'moH latlh. SuStel: In the English, *others* is clearly not referring to the strength or the place within, so it obviously refers to other people. In your Klingon, on the other hand, it's not at all clear that *latlh* isn't referring to another heart or another origin.
Yes, you're right. While writing, I remember placing the {nI-} prefix, thinking that using a plural suffix is redundant.. However, I didn't consider that the reader wouldn't be able to know (without reading the english original) whether the {latlh} would be describing "other people" or "other origins". SuStel:
*nIbe'HalmoH* also seems a poor substitute for *fail you.* Maybe *reH luj* *> DuboQbogh nuv** people who assist you* *> will always fail.* Or maybe he's saying the strength of others will always fail you: *reH SoHvaD luj latlh HoS** the strength of* *> others will always fail for you.*
I didn't like the {belHa'} too.. But when I thought of using the {luj} I wondered whether its' "fail" meaning is of the "not win" kind, or of the "I failed you" kind. I didn't know the answer, so I went with the inferior - for the occasion - {belHa'}. jIH:
juppu', qorDu', latlh negh.. tagha' nIteb SIQnIS nuv. SuStel: I'd go with *tagha' nIteb SIQnIS Hoch nuv* *> **In the end, each person must endure alone* or *tagha' nIteb SIQnIS nuv tlhIn** In the* *> end, an individual person must endure* *> alone.*
You're right on using {Hoch nuv}! I forgot to double-check with the original, so I didn't see the "each person". But your suggestion of {nuv tlhIn} confuses me; this use of the verb {tlhIn} seems strange. Reading {nuv tlhIn} gives me the impression that there are many people, and we're talking about someone who is "attributable/particularly associated with something/someone". original:
When in need look to the self. jIH: bItaHnIStaHvIS, yIbuS'eghtaH. SuStel: You've changed a *when* to a *while* for no reason I can see. Just as the original ties the first sentence with the last, talking about what's within, you should do the same in Klingon. *boQ* *> DapoQDI', tIqlIj yIbuS** When you require* *> assistance, focus on your heart* (the place you said was the origin of the strength to endure).
Re-reading the original I understand your comment on using {-DI'} instead of {-taHvIS}. I think I must have been influenced by one of the ways the greek "when" works. However, it was a conscious choice to write {yIbus'eghtaH}; the sound of "continuously concentrate/focus on/think only about yourself", gives a self-centered/selfish "feel" which is what the sith are all about. ~ Dana'an