Thank you SuStel for taking the time to read the original post and comment. qeylIS knows I need improvement, and qeylIS knows that the only way to improve is by being corrected.

en
> The strength to survive must come from
> within. Others will always fail you.
> Friends, family, fellow soldiers.. In the
> end each person must stand alone. When
> in need look to the self.
jIH:
> tIq 'oHnIS taHmeH HoS mung'e'. reH
> nIbelHa'moH latlh.
SuStel:
> In the English, others is clearly not 
> referring to the strength or the place
> within, so it obviously refers to other 
> people. In your Klingon, on the other
> hand, it's not at all clear that latlh isn't
> referring to another heart or another
> origin.

Yes, you're right. While writing, I remember placing the {nI-} prefix, thinking that using a plural suffix is redundant.. However, I didn't consider that the reader wouldn't be able to know (without reading the english original) whether the {latlh} would be describing "other people" or "other origins".

SuStel:
> nIbe'HalmoH also seems a poor
> substitute for fail you. Maybe reH luj
> DuboQbogh nuv people who assist you
> will always fail. Or maybe he's saying the
> strength of others will always fail you:
> reH SoHvaD luj latlh HoS the strength of
> others will always fail for you.

I didn't like the {belHa'} too.. But when I thought of using the {luj} I wondered whether its' "fail" meaning is of the "not win" kind, or of the "I failed you" kind. I didn't know the answer, so I went with the inferior - for the occasion - {belHa'}.

jIH:
> juppu', qorDu', latlh negh.. tagha' nIteb
> SIQnIS nuv.
SuStel:
> I'd go with tagha' nIteb SIQnIS Hoch nuv
> In the end, each person must endure alone
> or tagha' nIteb SIQnIS nuv tlhIn In the
> end, an individual person must endure
> alone.

You're right on using {Hoch nuv}! I forgot to double-check with the original, so I didn't see the "each person". 

But your suggestion of {nuv tlhIn} confuses me; this use of the verb {tlhIn} seems strange. Reading {nuv tlhIn} gives me the impression that there are many people, and we're talking about someone who is "attributable/particularly associated with something/someone".

original:
> When in need look to the self.
jIH:
> bItaHnIStaHvIS, yIbuS'eghtaH.
SuStel:
> You've changed a when to a while for no
> reason I can see.
> Just as the original ties the first sentence
> with the last, talking about what's within,
> you should do the same in Klingon. boQ
> DapoQDI', tIqlIj yIbuS When you require
> assistance, focus on your heart (the place
> you said was the origin of the strength to
> endure).

Re-reading the original I understand your comment on using {-DI'} instead of {-taHvIS}. I think I must have been influenced by one of the ways the greek "when" works.

However, it was a conscious choice to write {yIbus'eghtaH}; the sound of "continuously concentrate/focus on/think only about yourself", gives a self-centered/selfish "feel" which is what the sith are all about.

~ Dana'an