[tlhIngan Hol] HovHom, HovHom, yIbochchu'

[Alan Anderson]

Comments on vocabulary and grammar only:

On Sun, Jun 10, 2018 at 6:32 PM, Daniel Dadap <daniel at dadap.net> wrote:

> HovHom, HovHom, yIbochchu'!
>

{boch} has always struck me as referring to the reflective kind of
shininess. I would say {wew} "glow" instead, unless you'd be happy with
another repetition of {wov} "be light, bright".

Verbs of quality like {boch} and {wov} are usually not used in imperatives
without the suffixes {-'egh} and {-moH}. In the interest of meter, I don't
mind them being left off, but you're basically invoking poetic license in
order to do it.


> nuq Dayugh 'e' vISIvqu'.
>

"What you are" is not a question, so {nuq} is not appropriate. Find a way
to use {-bogh} instead. For example: {Hap Dayughbogh vISIvqu'} "I very much
wonder about the matter you consist of."


> vaj ram Hoch bIwov net Sov.
>

{ram Hoch} is a period of time, but that's not how you used it. For "all
night" you really ought to say {qaStaHvIS ram}. To make it fit the rhythm,
perhaps {ram DawovmoHtaH net Sov}.


> taw HurghDaq lengwI' Dutlho',
>

{lengwI'} is the subject and needs to come last. This verse is going to
need to be rearranged to make everything work together.


> chal SuD 'ej HurghDaq SoHtaH,
>

You can say {SuD chal 'ej Hurgh}, but you can't use two adjectival verbs
like that. You'd need to say {SuDbogh chal 'ej Hurghbogh}, or give one of
the verbs a different primacy with {SuDbogh chal Hurgh} or {Hurghbogh chal
SuD}.


> ram bIwov 'e' not Damev,
>

There's a good argument for preferring the order {not 'e'} instead. (The
canon counterexample has other problems that make it less compelling than
it could be.)


Your ability to hit the triple targets of meaning, rhyme, and meter is
impressive. I almost regret breaking such good work by pointing out
problems elsewhere.

-- ghunchu'wI'
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