[tlhIngan Hol] <<poSayDon>> vImughlI'

SuStel sustel at trimboli.name
Thu Jan 19 08:12:00 PST 2017

On 1/17/2017 11:13 PM, Brian Cote wrote:
> So spent the day working the first paragraph of <<poSayDon>>. There 
> are still a few rough spots, I think, but I believe it's an 
> improvement. Looking forward to your comments.
> vummeH raSDajDaq ba'taH poSayDon 'ej SImtaH.
> Hoch bIQmey loH not 'e' mev:

I think I'd turn this around: *not mev Hoch bIQmey loH*/the 
administration of all the waters never stopped./

> boQ law' rItlaH, mI'chaj vuSbe'lu',
> 'ej SaHbej HochHom chaH,

This gets confusing between *SaH* /be present/ and *SaH*/care about./ I 
don't see any way to determine which verb you mean without reference to 
the original. How about this: *'ej boQrup boQwI' law'qu'*/and very many 
aides were ready to assist./

> 'ach ghaHvaD potlhqu'mo' Qu'Daj,
> Hoch Simqa' poSayDon, 'ej vaj ghaHvaD ram QaHchaj.
> Qu'Daj tIvbe'ba' poSayDon. ghaHvaD poQlu'mo', vum ghaH.

I'm not sure I agree with *ghaHvaD poQlu'mo'*/because it was required 
for him./ And it doesn't include the idea that he "only" did it because 
it was assigned, that he would do something else if it weren't assigned. 
Say rather something like: *ghaHvaD Qu' noblu'pu'mo' ta' 'ach ta' 
neHbe'*/he did the job because it has been given to him but he didn't 
want to do it./

> pIj <<QuchmoHbogh Qu'>> tlhob -- mu'meyvetlh pup lo' --

I think *mu'meyvetlh pup* means /those words, which are 
perfect,**/rather than /those words exactly./ How about *mu'meyna'vetlh*?

> 'ej DuHmey Sar chuplu',


> 'ach ghaHvaD nIvqu'mo' Qu'Daj wa'DIch,

I'm not totally pleased with this phrase, and I can't quite say why. I 
think I'd rather see a comparative sentence here.

> lajbe' ghaH. reH che'wI' ratlhnISmo' poSayDon, Qatlh Qu' pIm tu'meH mIw.
> ghaHvaD yapbe'bej wa' bIQ neH yer. Qu' chu' lajchugh, ngajchoHbe'
> SImmeH mIw: ramchoH neH 'oH. bIQDaq 'oHbe'taHbogh Qu''e'
> chuplu'chugh, ropmoH qechvam: Qun tlhuHDaj nISchoHlu',
> 'ej QomchoH roDaj Hosghaj. bep poSayDon, 'ach ghaH Harbej pagh:

I'd simplify this to *bepDI' poSayDon Harbej pagh.*

> QeHDI' HoSghajqu'wI', ghaH yonmoHlu' net nIDnIS, 'ej ghaytanHa'
> 'oHchugh Qapla', vaj ghaHvaD ghetnISlu'.

This is a little confusing. I'm especially uncertain about the 
grammaticality of *ghaytanHa' 'oHchugh Qapla'.* Maybe we could just say 
this*: **QeHDI' HoSghajqu'wI' yonmoHlu' net nIDnIS, vabDot 
yonmoHlaHbe'ba'chugh vay'.*

> Qu'Daj choHbej poSayDon
> 'e' qel pagh.

I don't think you could use *-bej* here. You're not saying Poseidon will 
certainly change his job. You might put the *-bej* on *qel,* though.

> qa'vam bIQmey Qun'a' gheS ghaH, 'ej vaj ratlhnIStaH.
> Poseidon sat at his desk, doing figures. The administration
> of all the waters gave him endless work. He could have had
> assistants, as many as he wanted — and he did have very many — 
> but since he took his job very seriously, he would in the end go over
> all the figures and calculations himself, and thus his assistants
> were of little help to him. It cannot be said that he enjoyed his work;
> he did it only because it had been assigned to him; in fact, he had
> already filed many petitions for — as he put it — more cheerful work,
> but every time the offer of something different was made to him
> it would turn out that nothing suited him quite as well as his present
> position. And anyhow it was quite difficult to find something different
> for him. After all, it was impossible to assign him to a particular sea;
> aside from the fact that even then the work with figures would not
> become less but only pettier, the great Poseidon could in any case
> occupy only an executive position. And when a job away from
> the water was offered to him he would get sick at the very prospect,
> his divine breathing would become troubled and his brazen chest
> began to tremble. Besides, his complaints were not really taken 
> seriously;
> when one of the mighty is vexatious the appearance of an effort
> must be made to placate him, even when the case is most hopeless.
> In actuality a shift of posts was unthinkable for Poseidon — he had
> been appointed God of the Sea in the beginning, and that he had to remain
> QimSIr
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