p.130-131:
{lojmItvo' molor neghvo' je / DoH chaH / qamchIy Hoch negh}
"The men of Qam-Chee / They all back away / From the gates and Molor's men."
If the structure of this sentence is to remain as it is, the pronoun should be {ghaH} (not {chaH}). That's the short, easy answer. It got snarled up in trying to match the style of the English ("The men of Qam-Chee, they all back away…") rather than doing it in a more straightforward way ("The men of Qam-Chee all back away…"). I think if I were to do it again, I'd just leave the pronoun out altogether, not try to mimic the English, and have it be:
{lojmItvo' molor neghvo' je / DoH / qamchIy Hoch negh}
But that leaves the second of the three lines with a single word, and a short one at that, which would make it a bit unusual for paq'batlh's overall structure — though not unprecedented. My vote is for the pronoun-free version. [...]
p.142-143:
{'uQ'a' luSop neghwI' 'e' vIchaw' / chaHvaD 'Iw HIq vInob / vaj tlhutlhlaH 'e' luSIQlaHbe'}
"I will let my soldiers feast, / Give them blood wine / Until they can stand no more!"
You're right about this one. {negh} is grammatically singular and the pronouns should follow suit:
{'uQ'a' Sop neghwI' 'e' vIchaw' / ghaHvaD 'Iw HIq vInob / vaj tlhutlhlaH e' SIQlaHbe'}
But while we're here, I think I'd like to make another change as well. The English phrase "until they can stand no more" was originally interpreted to mean something like "until they cannot stand any more blood wine" (that is, until they can't tolerate any more wine). But, looking at it again, I think the intended meaning is "until they can't stand up any longer." So this would be:
{'uQ'a' Sop neghwI' 'e' vIchaw' / ghaHvaD 'Iw HIq vInob / 'ej SIbI'Ha' QamlaHbe'}
It's dangerous to let authors/translators/editors go back and review what they've done. They'll want to do some parts over again! [...]
...{qorDu'} is given inconsistent suffixes in paq'batlh. In some places, it seems to be treated as being capable of language ({-lI'}, {-wI'}), and in others, it's treated as a non-being ({-wIj}). Furthermore, in a few places {qeylIS qorDu' je} acts grammatically as if it were singular. There doesn't seem to be any pattern as to why this is so (e.g., I thought it might be that in the instances where it takes suffixes for a being, it's referring to one person, but this isn't the case).
{qorDu'} should be considered something that is not capable of language (though its individual members, of course, might be… and normally are). {qeylIS qorDu' je} is plural (it's Kahless and family).
p. 61 - {qorDu'lI'}:
{maHvaD lojmItmey tIpoSmoH / SoHvaD tuqlIj vInoblaH / batlh Hegh qorDu'lI'}
"Open the gates for us, / I can offer you your house / And your kin will die with honor."
The suffix on {qorDu'} should be {-lIj}.
{maHvaD lojmItmey tIpoSmoH / SoHvaD tuqlIj vInoblaH / batlh Hegh qorDu'lIj}
p. 63 - {qorDu'Daj} (gives no information either way):
{qorDu'Daj lon lojmIt ngaQHa'moH / SumchoH mangghom 'Iw largh / moratlh wanI'vam DaSov}
"He leaves his kin, unlocks the gates, / The army closes in, smelling blood. / Oh, Morath, and you know this:"
This is fine.
p. 87 - {qorDu'wI'}:
{ghe'torDaq lengbe'meH / qorDu'wI' vIQan / muyonmoH bortaS neH}
"I will save my kin / From Gre'thor / And take revenge!"
The suffix on {qorDu'} should be {-wIj}.
{ghe'torDaq lengbe'meH / qorDu'wIj vIQan / muyonmoH bortaS neH}
p. 107 - [...]
{tlhoS lojmItmey veghDI' / qeylIS qorDu' je / 'el veqlargh}
"Kahless and his kin / Were almost at the gates, / When Fek'lhr came in."
(The translation suggests {qorDu'Daj} but perhaps the suffix {-Daj} isn't necessary here since context makes it clear whose kin we're talking about.)
Adding {-Daj} to {qorDu'} makes sense, though it’s not needed grammatically. Without it, maybe a better gloss is “Kahless and (the) family.” But the English says "his kin," so let's add the {-Daj}. [...] But as long as we’re looking at this, let's match English more closely and change the whole thing to:
{tlhoS lojmItmey vegh / qeylIS qorDu’Daj je / 'elDI' veqlargh}
p. 123 - again, should be {lupawDI'} with {lu-}:
{Dung qo' pawDI' / qeylIS qorDu' je ta''e' neH / bop bommey}
"Upon reaching the upper world, / No one could speak of anything, / But the deeds of Kahless and his kin."
This and the sentence above makes me think that maybe {qeylIS qorDu' je} is being treated as singular?
I agree. It should be {lupawDI'}. The real problem with this sentence, though, is that out of context it's not clear what the subject of {paw} is. If we have only these three lines, it would appear that the subject is {qeylIS qorDu' je}. In fact, the subject is given in the preceding three-line stanza (or whatever we're calling these three-line things): {qotar qempa'QeH je}. Kotar and his Qempa'keh are the ones reaching the upper world. {qeylIS qorDu' je} is whose deeds the songs are all about. For clarity, we should probably add {chaH} after {lupawDI'}. And, as with the sentence on p. 107, we should add {-Daj} to {qorDu'}.
p. 145 - {qorDu'wIj} twice:
{qorDu'wIj quvmo' jImaghpu' / qorDu'wIj quvqa'moHlu'meH / jIvang vIneH}
"The reason of my betrayal / Was my family honor, / I want to restore this honor."
p. 183 - {qorDu'wIj}:
{reH tlhIngan tlhIH 'e' yIqaw / pewuv'egh / qotar vImuv qorDu'wIj vImuv}
"Remember forever that you are Klingons, / You need no one but yourselves! / I will go and join Kotar, to be with my kin."
These two sentences (pp. 145, 183) are fine.
p. 191:
{'uQ'a' lutIv / molor luHarghbogh SuvwI'pu' / qeylIS qorDu' je}
"There was a feast with his kin, / And the warriors that took part / In the great battle against Molor."
The expected prefix {lu-} is used, but the grouping includes {SuvwI'pu'} so {qeylIS qorDu' je} could be either singular or plural.
The subject is {SuvwI'pu' qeylIS qorDu' je} "the warriors and Kahless's family." That is, there are two parts to the plural subject (the warriors + Kahless's family), not three (the warriors + Kahless + the family). Of course, Kahless was feasting as well, not just his family. If we want to make that explicit, we can change the subject to {SuvwI'pu' qeylIS qorDu'Daj je}, which is probably better.
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