en translation:

of goddesses most excellent far

jIH:

SoH povqu' law' Hoch povqu' puS

In case the {-qu'} on the {pov} seems strange, I chose to use it as a
result of the Ca'Non paq'batlh sentence of: {SoH rallaw' law' Hoch
rallaw' puS}.

The en translation doesn't say "of goddesses most excellent"; it says
"most excellent far". So, if I just wrote the law'/puS construction
without the {-qu'} on the {pov}, I think that the "far" wouldn't be
expressed.

I've got no problem with it. It seems well within the known flexibility of law'/puS.

en translation:

and thou, O Queen wilt know who is the cause of thine anger

jIH:

'ej SoH'e', 'o che'wI', QeHlIj qaSmoHpu'bogh nuv Dangu'

The {SoH'e'} isn't intended as "as for you"; it's intended with it's
exclusivity role: "of everyone it is *you* Hera, who will identify the
cause of your anger".

The structure of the English sentence is to emphasize the thou by following it with a parenthetical term of direct address. But Klingon expresses this kind of emphasis with -'e', not by reordering sentences. I'd translate this line like so:

QeHlIj qaSmoHpu'bogh nuv Dangu' SoH'e', 'o che'wI'.
YOU (out of everyone) will identify the person who has caused your anger, o ruler.

I don't know for sure that focus is really called for here; I don't get an "out of everyone" feeling from the English. But if you want one, that's how I'd do it.

I've never read the paq'batlh
I don't intend to ever read the paq'batlh

The story is meh. The grammar is interesting.

-- 
SuStel
http://trimboli.name