On Wed, Jul 6, 2016 at 1:19 AM, John R. Harness <cartweel@gmail.com> wrote:

2. The first bunny said, "We're here! Let's stop!
{mapawta’! mamevjaj!} jatlh Qa'Hom wa'DIch.

I'm not sure {-jaj} is the right tool for this kind of "Let's do it"
meaning. I'd simply say {mamev}, but it could just be a matter of
style.

I disagree. -jaj isn't just for toasts and cursing; its purpose is to "express a desire or wish on the part of the speaker that something take place in the future." -jaj has been used correctly here.

4. The second bunny said, "We can hide a lot. I'll hide some in this flower pot."
{QIm law' wISo'laH. chorvamDaq 'op vISo' jIH.} jatlh Qa'Hom cha'DIch.

{QIm law'} is plural, so the prefix {DI-} is called for.

I managed to read the Klingon first without interference from the
English, and I thought the second bunny was suggesting that some of
the eggs should be *eaten* in order to hide them in his belly. The
longer regional phrase {chor bargh} for "ceramic pot" might work,
though I would prefer not to extend the meaning of {bargh} beyond a
cooking vessel.

Why not just use bargh?

9. The kids ate the eggs and played all day.
QImmey yIr puqpu'. jaj naQ reHqu'.

I would interpret the English as meaning "they ate-and-played all day".

I first interpreted it as eating first, then playing. Either way, I will bring up my usual objection to jaj naQ, which means something more like unbroken day or undivided day than jaj Hoch day's all, all of a day. Or you can ignore the question and use qaStaHvIS jaj.

Of course, as brought up elsewhere, it should be pem, not jaj.

But where does the yIr come in?

If the eating happens first, then the playing, the sentence is:

QImmey Soppu' puqpu'. qaStaHvIS pem reHqu'taH.

Otherwise:

qaStaHvIS pem QImmey SoptaH puqpu' 'ej reHqu'taH.

-- 
SuStel
http://trimboli.name