So spent the day working the first paragraph of <<poSayDon>>. There are still a few rough spots, I think, but I believe it's an improvement. Looking forward to your comments.

vummeH raSDajDaq ba'taH poSayDon 'ej SImtaH. 

Hoch bIQmey loH not 'e' mev:

I think I'd turn this around: not mev Hoch bIQmey loH the administration of all the waters never stopped.

boQ law' rItlaH, mI'chaj vuSbe'lu', 

'ej SaHbej HochHom chaH,

This gets confusing between SaH be present and SaH care about. I don't see any way to determine which verb you mean without reference to the original. How about this: 'ej boQrup boQwI' law'qu' and very many aides were ready to assist.

'ach ghaHvaD potlhqu'mo' Qu'Daj, 

Hoch Simqa' poSayDon, 'ej vaj ghaHvaD ram QaHchaj. 

Qu'Daj tIvbe'ba' poSayDon. ghaHvaD poQlu'mo', vum ghaH.

I'm not sure I agree with ghaHvaD poQlu'mo' because it was required for him. And it doesn't include the idea that he "only" did it because it was assigned, that he would do something else if it weren't assigned. Say rather something like: ghaHvaD Qu' noblu'pu'mo' ta' 'ach ta' neHbe' he did the job because it has been given to him but he didn't want to do it.

pIj <<QuchmoHbogh Qu'>> tlhob -- mu'meyvetlh pup lo' --

I think mu'meyvetlh pup means those words, which are perfect, rather than those words exactly. How about mu'meyna'vetlh?

'ej DuHmey Sar chuplu',

luchuplu'

'ach ghaHvaD nIvqu'mo' Qu'Daj wa'DIch,

I'm not totally pleased with this phrase, and I can't quite say why. I think I'd rather see a comparative sentence here.

lajbe' ghaH. reH che'wI' ratlhnISmo' poSayDon, Qatlh Qu' pIm tu'meH mIw. 

ghaHvaD yapbe'bej wa' bIQ neH yer. Qu' chu' lajchugh, ngajchoHbe' 

SImmeH mIw: ramchoH neH 'oH. bIQDaq 'oHbe'taHbogh Qu''e' 

chuplu'chugh, ropmoH qechvam: Qun tlhuHDaj nISchoHlu', 

'ej QomchoH roDaj Hosghaj. bep poSayDon, 'ach ghaH Harbej pagh:

I'd simplify this to bepDI' poSayDon Harbej pagh.

QeHDI' HoSghajqu'wI', ghaH yonmoHlu' net nIDnIS, 'ej ghaytanHa' 

'oHchugh Qapla', vaj ghaHvaD ghetnISlu'.

This is a little confusing. I'm especially uncertain about the grammaticality of ghaytanHa' 'oHchugh Qapla'. Maybe we could just say this: QeHDI' HoSghajqu'wI' yonmoHlu' net nIDnIS, vabDot yonmoHlaHbe'ba'chugh vay'.

Qu'Daj choHbej poSayDon 

'e' qel pagh.

I don't think you could use -bej here. You're not saying Poseidon will certainly change his job. You might put the -bej on qel, though.

qa'vam bIQmey Qun'a' gheS ghaH, 'ej vaj ratlhnIStaH.

Poseidon sat at his desk, doing figures. The administration 

of all the waters gave him endless work. He could have had 

assistants, as many as he wanted — and he did have very many — 

but since he took his job very seriously, he would in the end go over 

all the figures and calculations himself, and thus his assistants 

were of little help to him. It cannot be said that he enjoyed his work; 

he did it only because it had been assigned to him; in fact, he had 

already filed many petitions for — as he put it — more cheerful work, 

but every time the offer of something different was made to him 

it would turn out that nothing suited him quite as well as his present 

position. And anyhow it was quite difficult to find something different 

for him. After all, it was impossible to assign him to a particular sea; 

aside from the fact that even then the work with figures would not 

become less but only pettier, the great Poseidon could in any case 

occupy only an executive position. And when a job away from 

the water was offered to him he would get sick at the very prospect, 

his divine breathing would become troubled and his brazen chest 

began to tremble. Besides, his complaints were not really taken seriously; 

when one of the mighty is vexatious the appearance of an effort 

must be made to placate him, even when the case is most hopeless. 

In actuality a shift of posts was unthinkable for Poseidon — he had 

been appointed God of the Sea in the beginning, and that he had to remain

QimSIr 

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