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<div class="moz-cite-prefix">On 2/14/2020 10:17 AM, mayqel qunen'oS
wrote:<br>
</div>
<blockquote type="cite"
cite="mid:CAP7F2cLgLY85ZHFLeHW4zfE5Oo1W77C=HRapZE8GqhabYsdpGw@mail.gmail.com">ghunchu'wI'
<div dir="auto">> When you translate the “impersonal you”</div>
<div dir="auto">> literally, Klingon grammar makes it seem</div>
<div dir="auto">> that you are accusing the reader of doing</div>
<div dir="auto">> something.</div>
<div dir="auto"><br>
</div>
<div dir="auto">Is this based on Ca'Non, or is it just your
personal interpretation/perception ?</div>
<div dir="auto"><br>
</div>
<div dir="auto">Because, I don't feel it functioning the way you
suggest it does.</div>
</blockquote>
<p>There is evidence of using the second person as a sort of
impersonal in Klingon. For example, <b>pIpyuS pach DaSop
DaneHchugh pIpyuS puS DaghornIS</b><i> If you want to eat pipius
claw, you'll have to break a few pipiuses.</i> (TKW) While this
COULD be justified by saying "Nonono, I'm specifically telling
you, my listener, that YOU need to break a few pipiuses," I'm feel
confident that this isn't what was intended. It's a proverb, meant
impersonally. We're even given the more person version, which is
phrased as an imperative.</p>
<p>However, I agree with ghunchu'wI' that you're overdoing it.
You're not just using the occasional second-person reference in a
way that would let the reader personalize it to themselves. You're
strongly calling out <b>SoH</b> as the main viewpoint of the
piece, telling them what they're doing and thinking.</p>
<p>If your text isn't meant to be directed to a specific <b>SoH</b>
(even if that <b>SoH</b> is the reader of the text), but is
instead about a general state of things, you should express it
that way in the Klingon. Indefinite subject helps a lot, though
don't overdo that either. You can just leave out all the
second-person references. You can talk about <b>nuv</b><i> a
person</i> or <b>vay'</b> <i>someone </i>instead of <b>SoH</b><i>
you.</i><br>
</p>
<p>For example, you don't need to say <b>ghe''or jaH yInlIj Hoch</b><i>
Your whole life goes to Gre'thor</i> when you can say <b>ghe''or
jaH yIn</b><i> Life goes to Gre'thor.</i> (I'm not sure I would
translate that idiom literally, by the way.)</p>
<p>On a completely different subject, and I hope you don't mind the
criticism, it would help readability if you grouped your sentences
in thematically related paragraphs. Come up with a topic sentence
for a paragraph, then expand with supporting sentences. When you
want to describe a new topic, begin a new paragraph.<br>
</p>
<pre class="moz-signature" cols="72">--
SuStel
<a class="moz-txt-link-freetext" href="http://trimboli.name">http://trimboli.name</a></pre>
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