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<div class="moz-cite-prefix">On 8/9/2017 5:57 AM, Jeremy Silver
wrote:<br>
</div>
<blockquote cite="mid:3407258.JncuaKDZAG@localhost.localdomain"
type="cite">
<pre wrap="">{mubechmoH ghaH'e'. mubechmoH 'ej vIghaj.
ghaH vIjeghpa' <b class="moz-txt-star"><span class="moz-txt-tag">*</span>Nibia<span class="moz-txt-tag">*</span></b> maSmey retlhDaq, <b class="moz-txt-star"><span class="moz-txt-tag">*</span>Antares<span class="moz-txt-tag">*</span></b> vertaHbogh vIHtaHghach'a'
retlhDaq, ghe''or qulmey retlhDaq je vItlha'!}</pre>
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<br>
<p><b>mubechmoH ghaH'e'.</b></p>
<p>Khan's line is <i>He tasks me.</i> I've always assumed this
refers to Kirk exiling Khan to Ceti Alpha V. <b>muvummoH.</b> I
see no reason for the <b>ghaH'e'</b> here; it doesn't reflect the
English original.<br>
</p>
<p><b>mubechmoH 'ej vIghaj.</b></p>
<p>There is no indication in this what you mean by <b>vIghaj.</b>
It just means <i>I had/have/will have him/her/it.</i> I also
don't know if the English idiomatic meaning of <i>get in my power</i>
comes through, or the <i>therefore</i> sense of English <i>and.</i>
I'd recast this whole thing as <b>muvummoH; vaj vIghatlh.</b></p>
<p>You put the <b>ghaH vIjeghpa'</b> at the beginning of the long
sentence, but Khan put it at the end in his English. You should do
the same to reflect his emphasis. Subordinate clauses can go on
either side of the sentence.</p>
<p>I don't think <b>jegh</b> means the <i>let go</i> sense of
English <i>surrender;</i> it means <i>stop trying.</i> You could
just say <b>jIjeghpa'</b> <i>before I give up,</i> or you could
be more literal and say <b>nargh 'e' vIchaw'pa'</b><i> before I
let him escape.</i></p>
<p><i><b>Nibia</b></i><b> maSmey retlhDaq</b></p>
<p>Hey, I asked for <i>around</i> from Okrand and everybody said
"But what does that mean?" This is what it means. <b>wejpuH.</b></p>
<p>I'd probably do this as <i><b>Nibia</b></i><b> maSmey HayDaq</b><i>
to the area beyond Nibia's moons.</i><br>
</p>
<p><i><b>Antares</b></i><b> vertaHbogh vIHtaHghach'a'</b></p>
<p>I'm not fond of this; it looks like a very forced <b>-ghach</b>.
How about just saying <i><b>Antares</b></i><b> mI'rab'a'?</b></p>
<p>The end result:</p>
<p><b>muvummoH. muvummoH; vaj vIghatlh. <i>Nibia</i> maSmey HayDaq,
<i>Antares</i> mI'rab'a' HayDaq, ghe''or qul HayDaq je vItlha'
jIjeghpa'.</b><br>
</p>
<pre class="moz-signature" cols="72">--
SuStel
<a class="moz-txt-link-freetext" href="http://trimboli.name">http://trimboli.name</a></pre>
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