[tlhIngan Hol] Rising Heroes Video

[Alan Anderson]

On Thu, Jun 1, 2017 at 4:30 PM, Juliana Bukoski <jfbukoski at gmail.com> wrote:

> ...I was hoping someone could look at this and let me know if there are
> any errors:
>

I see some wording that I would change for clarity and/or style, but only a
couple of outright errors. I'll mark my corrections with *** asterisks.


> tlhIngan Hol vIHaD. cha' ngoQ vIghaj. wa'DIch: Hol patlh ghojwI' vIchav
> vIneH.
>

I'd say {ghojwI' Hol patlh}. It is probably fine in the order you did it,
but I think it sounds better the other way around.


> patlhvam chavlu'meH, qep'a'Daq qaD tu'lu'.
>

Since {qaD} is also a verb, I would make it more concise: {qep'a'Daq
qaDlu'.} Your wording is perfectly understandable, but I usually try not to
rely too much on {tu'lu'}.


> 'op mu'tlhegh mughnISlu'. qaDvamvaD jIqeqmeH,
>

[Note that you used {qeq} in an intransitive sense here. The subject is
what gets the benefit of the training. I'll come back to that later.]


> 'echletHomDaq mu'tay' vISovnISbogh jIghItlhpu'.
>

The suffix {-ta'} is probably more appropriate than {-pu'}. Presumably you
set out to write the vocabulary, and you accomplished it.


> jIyIttaHvIS vIHaD. pab vIHaDmeH, mu'ghom tlhIngan vIlaDqa' 'ej paq latlh,
> "From the Grammarian's Desk", vIlaDchoHpu'.
>

*** You have some noun-noun phrases backwards. "Klingon dictionary" is
{tlhIngan mu'ghom}, and "another book" is {latlh paq}. (You probably can't
get away with just saying {latlh} "additional one" there, since you didn't
explicitly refer to TKD as a book.)


> tlhIngan Hol jIQoyDI', vIyajlaH vIneH.
>

*** The first verb needs to have a prefix matching the third-person object:
{vIQoyDI'}.


> ngoQ cha'DIch 'oH.
>

I would have expected {ngoQwIj}, and indeed your English version says
"my...goal." I'll not call it an error, but you probably should add the
possessive suffix.


> ngoQvam Qatlh law' ngoQwIj wa'DIch Qatlh puS. wa' ben, mu' law' vISov,
> 'ach jIHvaD jatlhchugh vay', vIyajlaHbe'.
>

majQa'. pupchu' Hoch.


> vaj, teSDu'wIj vIqeqnIS.
>

*** Remember when I asked you to note how you used {qeq} before? You're
using it differently here, with the object receiving the benefit of the
training. I believe your first sentence has the right meaning, and you need
to find either a different word or a different grammatical structure for
this one. It could be as easy as adding the suffix {-moH}:

   vaj teSDu'wIj vIqeqnISmoH

Or you could turn it around:

   vaj qeqnIS teSDu'wIj

Neither of these sounds perfect to me, though.


> qon puS vIghaj. qonDaq, tlhIngan Hol jatlh po'wI'pu'.
>

*** {qon} "record" is a verb. You can substitute the noun {ta}, and I
suggest calling it a {ghogh ta} "voice record" or {wab ta} "sound record"
in the first mention.

*** The final verb needs the proper prefix: {lujatlh}.


>  vI'Ij 'ej mu'mey jatlhbogh vIghItlh 'e' vInID. bom tlhIngan vI'Ij je.
>

*** {tlhIngan bom} for "Klingon songs"

jupwI', DaH peja'. ngoQraj bochav'a'? tlhIngan vIttlheghvam yIqaw:
> bIQapqu'meH, tar DaSop 'e' DatIvnIS.
>

majQa'! It's simple, straightforward, and close enough that I understood
what you intended before I looked at the English.

-- ghunchu'wI'
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